can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
