Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
