I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I understand Curling. That high.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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