I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Semen is not good for contacts.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
