Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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