I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
