The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
