I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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