So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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