I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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