Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
