need another drink. this is the easiest way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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