Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
