the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
