I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
