Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
