Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
