Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
