Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
