Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
