she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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