I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
