This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
