All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
