so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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