Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
