We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
