i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
