dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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