If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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