New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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