I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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