tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
