alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
