I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
