He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
