I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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