How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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