You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
