I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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