Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize