JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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