Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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