After last night, I could never be a politician.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did i just pee glitter
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize