I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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