I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Be still, my beating vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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