a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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