I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
