naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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