so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize