yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The best revenge is premature balding
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
