This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize