i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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