i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
