yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
