There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
