So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
