Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
