Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
