508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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