and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
