If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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