He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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