My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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