I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
