he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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