Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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