I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
