The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
