sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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